Guilt and Disconnect

In both 'The man I killed' and 'Speaking of courage' guilt is a major reoccurring theme, not only in the titles can you see if but also the writing.

In "The man I killed" the O' Brian drones on and on about the solider he just killed. O' Brian's statement holds up very well because the traumatic experience of killing a man creates a fabricated story in his head. He stares at the man for ages, absorbing his guilt. In this time, I believe the story he tells about him is false. The story its self is manifested guilt. It is about what life could have been for the dead man. "Secretly, though, it also frightened him. He was no fighter. His health was poor, his body small and frail. He liked books. He wanted someday to be a teacher of mathematics." It is a projection of his own life onto this man who could have been the exact same as him. The man could of had the same potential, the same sort of family, and the same emotions. The man on the ground could very well be him at some point. All these things invoke fear in O' Brian. They create a story and skew the one he is telling with emotional truths, not factual ones like what the average reader assumes. That is the truth that come out while telling a true war story. The facts come in where they can set the proper setting but the events are usually based on the feelings invoked from the event.

It is often stated you lose a sense of whats true in a true war story. Truth is thereby created by not the facts but the emotions invoked by a particular event. This is evident by the way the speaker addresses the audience and his family in 'Speaking of courage'. Even though it was clear to see that the man he did not save could not be saved, he asserts that he could feel him still alive. His guilt of saving the man in time and being overwhelmed by the "smell" changes the facts of the story. "..If it hadn't been for that smell, I could of won the Silver Star." The smell i believe is an emotional fill for the word fear. In previous war stories the speakers never want to look weak. This story being about courage, we can safely assume that smell and fear are related. The speakers imaginary father, who was not present for the event, takes away different facts from the story. He most likely would have assumed the smell was not the main thing that held the soldier back. The emotions do not invoke the memories, just the words and tone of his son. Even then the speaker cannot speak to his father. This all occurs in his head, even more emotional truths that are, at their core, educated assumptions of reactions and events.